I was staring blankly at my ceiling. This is a rare event, being the extrovert that I am, but two years ago it was becoming a regular occurrence. Eyes wet and red, I lay staring, bewildered, wondering what the last 6 months had meant.
All the pain, the tears, the exhaustion… it had to mean something! There had to be some bigger plan or lesson for that season, otherwise it just felt like a giant waste. So I stared into the ceiling, hoping for answers, some voice to tell me that everything I had gone through from July 2012 to the end of January 2013 had been worth it.
The ceiling stared back at me, but no answers came. I fell asleep.
As life started to become “normal” again, after a 6 month period of unexplained sickness, pain and frustration, I began to question what my “new normal” would be. I knew something had to change. I had to change.
With tears streaming down my face, I read,
“The longing for significance, the longing for love, the longing for deep and fundamental change, the longing for a way of life that works, the longing to connect experientially and even viscerally with Someone beyond ourselves – these longings led me to search out spiritual practice and establish life rhythms that promised something more.”
That longing brought me to a reshaping of my life. Balance wasn’t working. Lists weren’t working. I liked this idea of rhythm that Ruth Haley Barton and others I read brought up. Life goes by in circular rhythms, so why not go with those natural patterns?
I wanted to intentionally fill my days with activities, people and thoughts that were life-giving, things that made my life whole and full. I wanted to become more whole as well. I wanted to be a person who enjoyed life again. I wanted rhythms.