Last night I had a dream about Subway. I went with my mom, who ordered for me while I was in the bathroom. When I got back to the table, she had gotten me a turkey sub on white bread. Not bad. I started eating and about halfway through realized what was happening. I yelled at my mom (which I never do in waking life), "I don't eat bread anymore! Why did you get this for me?" I went up to exchange it for a salad, but it was too late. Also, no one at the counter could hear me, because dreams are weird. I woke up, super stressed and curled up under my covers while comforting myself with pics of cute dogs on Instagram.
I started my third Whole30 on Sunday. I'm giving up sugar, alcohol, legumes, dairy and...GRAINS...for at least 30 days as I continue to try to eat what makes me feel my best. I learned on my first round of Whole30 that food is WAY more than just something you put on your plate and scarf down at meal times. It's psychological (comfort, family, indulgence). Cravings are produced by stress, and when you give in and eat what you crave, it produces stress, and therefore more cravings. This is a life-taking rhythm. It can even cause crazy dreams when you're eliminating certain foods, hence the Subway problem. I don't even like eating there normally.
This is not about whether you eat an apple or a sandwich. This is about whether you're just okay or whether you're at your best. Best may look different for you than it does for me. There is a chasm between okay and best. It takes effort and sacrifice to get across. When I am eating anything I want (mostly pretty "healthy"), life is okay. I am lucky to not have an auto-immune disease or a strong allergy to any food. However, some foods (grains, specifically), make me feel pretty blah. I don't get great sleep, I crave more of these foods when I'm tired, I get headaches and digestive issues. But these things aren't terrible, just okay. I'm okay enough that I haven't yet been able to give them up completely.
At my best, I sleep soundly and enough. I have energy to get through my day without yawning and with mental clarity. I am nourished and strong so I can lift more at the gym, do more with my friends and play more with my niece and nephews. This is a far cry from tired and achy. This is living, for me.
What does best look like in your life? Where is okay for you?
What bridge do you need to build to get across?